http://www.geocities.jp/cherrybsms/song.mp3

FIN

The words will end here.

Interesting encounter.

Today, i met a foreigner on my way to Resorts World Singapore. He was impressed watching me play yo-yo in the train and requested to take a video with his phone. Of course i couldn't reject his request! After all, it would be an interesting experience.

During the conversation, he sung me praises and told me many things that were worth learning and listening to. At first i thought that i should just get it over and done with but later i realized that he was like an angel sent from the heavens to bring light into my recent problems and frequent conundrums. He told me that i was better than those he saw during the Asia Pacific Yo-Yo Contest in March but i denied his statement almost immediately, telling him i was only 9th in Singapore and no where near the Asia Pacific standard. That was when he told me more meaningful things as we chatted like long lost friends who have just met each other again.

In the conversation, he told me that the ninth and the fifth place are probably more or less close to each other and that if I have had a good day and landed my tricks, I would have probably gotten a 5th place, or if i had an even greater day, probably top 3. He continued by saying it was just the mentality and consistency in a competition that matters because competitions always screw with your state of mind but not others. He ended by saying that ultimately, we should be challenging only our capabilities and not other peoples abilities, because we do things because we want to and not anything else.

It was certainly an eye opening experience to have a conversation with a complete stranger for so long. He was so polite, so positive and so friendly unlike the typical hostile Singaporean who can care less about other people regardless of their races. I am no exception. From my conversation, I learnt another life lesson. It's not just a lesson about mentality during yo-yo contests, but rather the mentality in life. If we applied what he said during the conversation to another form of competition, for example examinations, what he said would make terribly good sense. Because in examinations, we are not challenging and competing with other classmates and friends, but rather competing with how much we want to do a certain thing. It is something many students have been oblivious to as we always tend to do countless of comparison between who is great and who is not. In the end, those who do not perform well or perform too well will probably be ostracized from the class. It is a sad, inevitable truth but we all have to face it.

Perhaps we should all learn to have attitudes like foreigners who present themselves so positively, so friendly like an extrovert who is not shy to do anything like holding a conversation with strangers. Though it may be impossible, we can start doing so by changing ourselves to be just like them. Everyone knows that a smile and an interesting experience makes a day complete, right?

Losing out in life.

It has been quite evident to me that i have been missing out on many great and crucial things in life. No, I am not writing this as a post-reflection of my end of year examinations, but instead in life as a whole which currently revolves around fractions of academics, social life and personal development.

This year, I have not been putting much of a fight into doing things properly and efficiently. As such, i passed time attempting given tasks half heartedly without dedication nor purpose. It seems too late to regret it now, when the 'introduction' to what is to come has just ended. I have thoroughly failed to prove myself a worthy warrior in the face of war and pandemonium. Sacrificing work for sleep and succumbing to weariness are past cardinal sins that i have committed. Now, I can only fear and worry about my untwistable fate. No longer is the norm where i am able to enjoy sleep without guilt. I do not know what is wrong with my attitude towards life. Am i too introverted? Too negative? I do not know. Time awaits to reveal answers i have longed to find.

I do not know why only after i commit a crime or mistake do i realize important lessons in life. An example would be how i always tell my friends that my other friends scored xx upon 100 and top the level and all. I recently got to ponder about why that friend wasn't me, and why i would actually bother spending time to consolidate about which people scored rather than using the time to practice and sharpen and hone my skills so that in future, people can be talking about me instead of vice versa. It is no longer useful that i motivate myself with monetary rewards or presents from my parents for doing well in school. Why, you ask? It is because intrinsic and extrinsic motivation does no more good than harm. It dulls a persons ability to think creatively in non-algorithmic work and also decreases the pace of our processes. From here, it is easy to conclude that we should do things because we want to, and not for the pursuit of little fluffy teddy bears or the latest mobile phone and what not.

Perhaps another major thing that i have also lost out on in life is probably in terms of social life. I have to admit i never really know how to express myself properly and effectively in real life due to computer addiction. You may say it really isn't my fault that this is happening as the computer has become a effective learning medium in our lives today, and that we as people cannot truly live without computers. I just think i'm too stupid to not have controlled and restricted the early stages of my addiction. Besides, excuses are merely excuses and nothing else. We cannot let excuses become reasons of our past mistakes because they are merely a temporary escape to your problems and that they will eventually come and haunt you or stab you in the back one day. It is due to the sole reason of computer addiction that i fail to divide my time equally between what is real and what is not, which probably is the complete recipe to my current plight.

I cannot deny that personal development has seem to become quite a deadly opponent to defeat in times of chaos. An example i can easily name is the examinations. Where I have no guidance, no extrinsic nor intrinsic motivation to do anything, no goals given by parents (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) but only me, myself and I to conquer with my fluctuating determination to do things. Of course by saying that, it means that I haven't been doing anywhere near par for my End-Of-Years but i need to conquer the ability to work alone at home productively in a conducive environment.

Never mind, enough of ranting. I hate it when all i do is vent my pent up anger and frustration on this little personal space of mine but hardly anyone every reads and gives me any useful advice at all. I just hope all these things I write down here will never recur again, but till now it seems that it is continuing like a vicious cycle. Hopefully i break the cycle before the cycle breaks me.

Cheers,
Yao Kun

年尾考试。

这次又突然想用华文在这里写一些说不出的心事，同时也希望能够用一些刚学到的成语来加强我用华文表达能力。可能在这里写不会有很大的作用，应为用电脑写字是一个非常简单的事。我相信只要有联系，应该能够很快的把我这个语言学好。

这次的年尾考试又要到了。我突然觉得非常赶时间，非常害怕。我还记得中三开学的时候，每天就不温习所在学校学到的东西，就只有我那个吊儿郎当的态度把我还到现在这个时候，才发现已经不够时间改变一切了。我全中三的学习就这样要结束了，可是我好像一点都没学到很多东西。看到以前做过的东西，好象根本都没学过。我感到非常内疚，可是我能怪谁呢？我这年来，一直在欺骗自己，考完试每次灸和自己说：‘啊，这次虽然失败，可是我下一次一定会读书考到好成绩！’。好像有个持之以恒的态度。可是时间过了，我就开始忘记我所说的一切。结果也是力不从心。想做到结果也没做到。想得到结果也没得到。写了这些，我觉得我好像执迷不悟得过了我的日子。

今天，老师给惠我们的成绩册。也看到了许多人的脸充满了满足感，又有些人的脸可以看他们非常失望。我呢，就像那些感到失望的人，整天脸黑黑的。好像要杀人一样。我也不知道为什么会这样。平时我也会叫自己冷静下来，以后能够在进步。可是这个方法好像已经没有什么用了。我已经冷静不了了。看到那些得到高分的人不满足，我感到根内疚。他们已经拿到了高分可是还觉得内疚，那我不是应该比他们还内疚呢？我知道，和同学比较分数是一个非常不健康的事，可是我怎么控制呢？在我班上，哪里看都是聪明人，有时，我觉得很笨，应为我每次都比不上别人。我应为内疚，和老师道歉，可是他只说：‘不要和我说对不起，要对不起的是你自己’。听到这句话，我也觉得有一点道理。为什么我一直让自己失望呢？为什么我不能好好的读书，好好的拿到我所想得到的成绩？为什么。。。

虽然我令许多人失望，可是我觉得最失望的人就是我自己。希望以前那个不自量力的态度会永远消失。希望我能从这个事情学到一些东西。希望以后不会再犯一样的错误。可是我也不知道我写到这么多，想了这么久来写这个文章，可能一点用都没有。只怕我又回到那个不可救药的学生。

我希望。。。

Desire

Lately i have been in a depressing conundrum and I seem to be unable to get out of the this puzzling mind game that I have been playing with myself since the start of the year. The year began with a rather relaxed mindset, no thinking of the harsh consequences of not being prepared for whats about to come. Complacency got the best of me. I thought since I was eligible for the top class in the cohort, I'd definitely do well anyway. How naive. If i'd go back in time to change things, I think i'd do much better than my current self. But these little wishes of time travel only exist in fairy tales.

As a result of such a childish assumption, my results have been either fluctuating or declining. Truth to be told, I became unaware of the situation, but instead became another person who grew to accept mediocracy. I believed that things would never turn out to be what i expected it to be, and this would be the end of my successes in my secondary school years - getting to the top class in the school. My desire to achieve more successes diminished and i often looked extremely tired and lethargic everyday, as though life was slowly seeping and being drained out of me. Desire was trapped in a labyrinth where it couldn't find its way out to save me from those times.

It wasn't anytime soon that i learnt to step out from my emotional whirlpool. I continued to have fluctuating results even till the Mid Year Examinations. I continued deluding myself with thoughts that I still had time to improve. Then as time sped past like a blink of an eye (like they always do), I began to worry without thinking of how i should go about to eliminate the sense of guilt and fear that i might really do very badly throughout the year. Thoughts of dropping subjects haunted my sleepless nights and all i could do is continue to worry.

Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise to have met someone that have helped desire find its way out of the labyrinth. The inspiration that person gave me was beyond comprehension and I have really no way of really repaying that person. With this inspiration, I was driven by the freed desire to do well, or at the very least show some improvement in my academic results. It certainly did help a little, although results have yet to be shown. Perhaps i need more time to buck up. Then again, these little claims i have in my blog might never be real, unless i do really show a great jump in my results by the end of the year.

For now, my desire is fueled by only four things - the bell, the guitar, the star, and the thought that i might rise to reach the standards of that certain someone.

Cheers.

Sick and tired

It has been quite a long while since I found out some of my friends were adopting the 'threat' culture whereby pupils will pinpoint top scorers of most of the subjects they learn and identify those high flyers as threats. Initially I thought since I could not change the culture, I decided to fight fire with fire by also adopting the same system as them so as to gain benefits for myself.

Sure I did reap some benefits from the effort of constantly benchmarking different students as my target. However, in the long run the culture became more of a nuisance than I ever expected it to be. For one, we had to constantly be nosy parkers and try to source for how well the top scorers faired in their respective classes, then we had to spend time making ourselves disappointed because of how lowly we faired against them. Sure it does make us more motivated to study to defeat them, but in the end I found no true benefit in all this concern about how other people faired against us when we know we cannot even cover our own butts by being one of the high flyers as well.

What I meant was, I have slowly come to realize that it is infinitely better to make more friends than to make more rivals. I believe that as we make more friends, we help one another with problems and questions that we might have. Not just academically but also emotional or social problems that are frequent visitors of our minds. Compare that with making more rivals and you would have realized how much less you actually benefit in the long run, where your only resource becomes the selfless teachers because you remembered that all your friends are your threats. Don't tell me that it’s not all about benefits. It IS about benefits. In fact, every choice we make every day is about whether it brings us more benefits that the other. Likewise for friends, why do you want to become a certain someone's good friend? Is it because they abuse you and insult you? No! It’s because they treat you well and thus you want to become their good friends. That itself is considered a benefit. Thus proving my point that everything that we do is about how much benefits we could actually gain.

I’m sick and tired of the culture and recently I have been really irritated by people who adopt the culture because they seem to always have a hidden agenda whenever they want to befriend anyone. It’s hard to convince anybody to ever trust anything that they utter from their vocal chords and this has led me to believe that their dishonesty for things has caused some uproar in the cohort, except they don’t actually realize the enormity of their crimes. In this rapidly callous world, I don’t know what to expect in the behavior of students anymore. We have got nobody to blame but ourselves for this phenomenon. Perhaps we should find a quick remedy to eliminate this problem once and for all.

But how?

The Facebook Effect

I know that this title is exactly the same as the book you see in Popular bookstores, but it is purely coincidental and i will not be discussing anything about the contents of that book, but just my self observed effects of Facebook that I have witnessed after two years of near daily usage of Facebook.

Recently, upon reading an intriguing news on the internet, It seems that scientists have discovered that people who use Facebook the most are narcissists who have low self esteem. It may sound extremely offending but i have to agree to what they have found because all i have observed in Facebook is when i check the 'top news' and 'most recent' news would be weird updates that attract many users attention to write about positive praises so the one who posted the update won't feel so much like a loser.

For example,

"1st person to like this - I'll add you as a sibling. 2nd person - I'll write I love you on your wall.3th person - I'll give my number (: 4th person - I'll give you a loving hug next time I see you, 6th person - I'll rate our...friendship. 7th person - I'll inbox you what I truthfully think about you."

Isn't this update solely for people to comment and like so that he can tell you his own opinion of you? Even if you aren't even the closest of friends? I have to admit, I do that sometimes too, so i'm also guilty of practicing some sort of narcissism. Till now, i'm still looking for reasons why everyone is so addicted to Facebook for the wrong reasons. Facebook, i believe, was created with an intention to act as a socializing website where everyone could update what they were up to or have been doing recently. But what do we see now? We see an infinite amount of youngsters who want to know what other people think of them so that they will be showered with praises and then they will find that they are so much better than that of losers they see in school or any other place for that matter. In short, people use Facebook primarily with the intention to get some ego boost. It is due to the ego boost that we constantly get that we become comfortable with Facebook and thus become addicted to it. Who doesn't prefer to do something more comfortable?

While many people still use Facebook with the intention to socialize rather than to gain attention, I believe that it is wise to refrain from too much of Facebook, because we may be so used to all the attention that one can get online that we forget what we actually are out of the virtual world. I do agree that Facebook gives multiple benefits such as communication with friends as well as competing with friends in various games available on Facebook, but please be wary of the consequences that may surface with too much usage of this deadly yet helpful website.

Aftermath/Reflection - Common tests.

It isn't a wise choice to go through the previous weekend not revising seriously. As a result of such actions, I struggled throughout the common tests almost completely, especially for my sciences. It's again becoming yet another usual Déjà vu where I will post about my negative thoughts and feelings after a series of tests. This is not the first time, nor is it the second time. It has in fact been around me for as long as i have been in secondary school. Every time when i start to realise, I will feel more motivated to study. But as time goes by, the effect wears out and i will be lose sight of my ultimate goal of scoring for any set of examinations. I am becoming wary of the situation I am in where I have totally failed to achieve what I have set late last year during the holidays. It has become the norm that I do below what i expect in tests and I really need to get that fixed as soon as possible. The 'O' levels may seem far, but if anyone bothered to count, theres only approximately ten months to the Chinese papers and about a year and two months to the theory papers and frankly speaking, thats not a very long period of time at all.

This post is becoming too similar to one of my blog posts during post Mid Year Examinations where i will write about something I have done and try to act all wise about what I should have done and assuming that i will do it the next time round. However, none of these thoughts ever surfaced into actions. Heck, I even think i remembered writing this paragraph somewhere in this blog before. This recurring academic career is not what i'm supposed to have. I want to be successful in my academic career instead of failing so miserably and having to write this reflection to show that I am so worried for my results.

Now there is only about five weeks to the End of Year examinations. I'm not very prepared yet but I still have the time. You readers can bet that I'm going to write some reflection after the end of years again. Whether it will be a positive or negative reflection, that i do not know. However, lets all wish we have a smooth sailing road towards the end of year examinations starting from now.

Fortunate.

Recently having yet another great long chat with an amazing friend of mine, We suddenly landed on the topic of whether we are actually fortunate to be what we are now - With internet access at your command, with ample amount of money to buy your favourite gadgets, with your best friends living around your vicinity and most of all, with parents that work their assess off so that they can take care of probably everyone in the family, which includes you being the apple of their eyes. I suppose many people would think that this is actually not an epitome of 'fortunate' in many of us teenagers minds, because right now in our rapidly developing and callous world, all these aforementioned features of a fortunate life becomes so common nobody actually considers it a fortunate lifestyle anymore. In fact, these few features are rather becoming an expected lifestyle more than one that you would learn to cherish and appreciate. Its because of the rapidly growing economy that we are forgetting the true meaning of being fortunate.

Could you imagine if you were to be born in the early twentieth century where everyone had been suffering greatly due to many factors? World Wars coming up every half a century, Economic Crisis like that of the Great Depression. Upheaval in the war time period was common and it has caused great disturbance to the life our forefathers lived. Life expectancy was low and many a times you would lose contact with your great friends because they would suddenly disappear and you won't even get to find out why. All these little problems existed because technology had not been this affordable, this convenient at that time. People even relied on horses as means of transport even though their horseshoe gave irritating noises and their manure was disgusting and foul smelling. Why? It's all because they didn't have a choice. Now in the world we live in, we have so much choice that we sometimes just neglect them and just choose something you think is best depending on your mood.

Lets go back in time again. How about during the time where the world solely relied on physical means to do work? Where not even a single speck of technology existed? Yes i'm talking about the time where war was the norm and everyone was wearing battle armours and wielding spears and broadswords. During the time where the world was separated into dynasties. Where travel was infinitely tedious and where people didn't even know other continents existed - like that of those ancient Chinese dramas that you could see from television programmes. Would it be fortunate to live in those times? Where the best of entertainment would be those that are considered 'lame' or 'boring', like chess? Although many would argue it is certainly better to live in those periods where there was no such thing as carbon emissions or even global warming, the amount of inconvenience altogether was a headache not to be meddled with. i believe nobody who lives in the world now would want to live in those times because we are so used to used to convenience. The light bulb, the air conditioner, the cars, the many other means of transport, et cetera. All these are things we neglect daily. But do we ever consider ourselves lucky and fortunate? I don't think so. Not even me.

It was only until i stumbled upon this conversation with my friend where i truly understood how lucky and fortunate i am to be in such a time and born in such a place. A time where people invented things for the sake of convenience. A place where the crime and death rates are at its lowest, where all of us could live as a multi-racial society where everyone lived close to each other, happy forever.

Perhaps we really need to rethink our ideas on what is 'fortunate'. It isn't really being born to a rich and famous superstar. Neither is it to be born a child prodigy. It is frankly speaking just being ourselves. Everyone of us are fortunate but we just don't realize it. If you are able to read my thoughts in this blog right now, you are considered fortunate. So smile when you read this and I hope that you readers will cherish your lifestyles and learn to appreciate whatever your family does to help you. After putting on that smile, learn to also do the best in everything you have a chance to do, because there might never be a next time that you can do it again. I believe you all know what i'm talking about. Its our education, something people once longed to have.

Cheers,

Yao Kun

P/S : Thanks, friend for mentioning this topic so that i can share my views on this blog.

第一次。

这是我第一次用华语写一篇文章。虽然我知道我的华语不太标准，可是我总也是应该挑战自己的能力来以不同的语言来表达自己。所以这次，不管这个文章多么长或短，不管无聊或有趣，我打算在这一天开始用心地学习怎么用华语来表达自己的心情。反正我弄了这个网上笔记的原因也是为了要学好我在学校学的两个语言。

最近发生了许多不幸的事件，比如说，没有做功课呀，考试考到不理想的成绩呀，和朋友吵架呀，等等。虽然这些问题都是我自己造成的，可是我忘不了我所做错的事情。而且这些事件不是那种说声对不起就能解决的问题，也不是想忘记就可以忘记的问题。有时候，为了一些小事，我会整天在家自言自语，想找一个方法来解决我所做错的事。搞到我有时候在学校笑不起来，想着那些答不了的问题，也搞到自己非常烦恼。

幸好虽然我有这么多问题，还有许多一想起就令人开心的事。比如说，有一些人*天天陪我谈天，或有些考试考的不错。这些小小的事虽然看起来没什么大不了的，可是对我来说，已经可以把我逗的很开心了。如果你在读这个文章，你应该知道你是谁。:) 我想在这里说声谢谢。

好了，第一次写华文文章真的有一点困难。应为有好多个字我不会写，也有很多个字我不知道写对吗。可是我相信，如果我多用这个方法练习华文，应该会有很大的成绩改变。希望你们读了这个文章不会闷死哦。我的表达能力是有限的。希望以后，我能够写的比较好。

大家要加油哦！希望你们的问题或挑战中会顺顺利利的解决~

CHALLENGES.

*Disclaimer*
Before i start with this entry, I would like to specifically highlight that I have titled the entry as 'CHALLENGES' only because i don't want to title it 'PROBLEMS'. These two words may seem like they are similar words but in actual fact, they have very different meanings. For one, challenges are obstacles that you can overcome, while problems are things that you usually keep in yourself and probably never solve it despite it bugging you once in awhile.

Recently there has been many challenges that has been really quite irritating. We all know that we cant avoid challenges because after all, they help us to improve. I know, sometimes we really have very weird challenges in mind. There are actually only two challenges that exist. One is called physical challenges, while the other is called mental challenges. Probably over ninety percent of us have more mental challenges than physical challenges and frankly speaking i never could understand why we cannot just 'adapt' to challenges to the point where it never becomes a pain in the ass whenever we face difficulties in life. (which is probably everyday)

I could probably list many challenges one can face in real life. In fact, it is very easy to because we all face the same problem over and over again. The only reason why we never seem to realize is that we always are so troubled with other stuff we never bothered to spend time to remember anything that happened.

Here is a sample list of a teenager's everyday trouble :

1. School
2. Relationships (Friends and B.G.R alike)
3. Homework
4. Broken Families
5. Stress
6. Negative Peer Pressure
7. Inability to cope with (1)
8. Exam trouble
9. Depression due to (2) and (8)
10. Lack of sleep

There you go. I already mentioned 10 and I'm pretty sure that there are more problems that can be classified as sub-topics under any of the ten that I have listed. If you were to really read my blog everyday and happen to so coincidentally chance into this post, you might realize that everyday you are troubled with a different mix of challenges.

Then again, so what if anyone can identify their challenges? Does it even help you a single bit? Does it prevent us from the unavoidable stress that i have mentioned in my previous post? The answer is again, no. I guess life isn't as simple as rock-paper-scissors because there isn't a definite way of doing things and everything we comes with a reason and a consequence. So does this mean that both stress and challenges are although unwanted, unavoidable? Then from this conclusion, can we truly come to another conclusion that nobody can truly be stress free?

So, is life's purpose to live to try to avoid stress and challenge only to realize that you cannot do so? Because in everything we do, in some way or another, we will encounter challenges that never fails to give you a headache that can eventually make your day a sad and negative one?
Enough of questions. The more i say, the more i will drown in my sea of deep thoughts and never be able to resurface again.

Stress and pressure.

First of all, i want to highlight one of the only quotes that a teacher mentioned to me that helped me manage my emotions better this year.

'' Stress, what does it ever bring you?'' This quote was taken from Mr Daniel Lim, whom i believe is an English and Social Studies teacher in the upper secondary cohord.

So, what is stress? Do you, in times of great responsibility/importance, ever take time to ponder about why you get so stressed up over minute things that probably bring about greater pressure on nobody but yourself? I mean, why do we ever put more pressure on ourselves when we are already in such critical predicaments? Be it in occasions such as hosting an outing with your friends, planning a birthday surprise for your best friend, trying to study to no avail, and of course who would forget the ever-so-famous exams? Is stress such an amazing remedy that nobody ever notices that they are utilizing it all the time?

Then again, even if I know that stress never helps produce anything really proper and coherent, I never really got to find an answer to why it so happens that I am when polluted with a myriad of thoughts, i seem to never be able to find myself out of a personal conundrum that i had set on myself. I sincerely believe that I am not the only one that has this sort of emotional weakness, because it is a known fact that we as growing teenagers go through many problems and go through adolescence never being able to solve any of them. So from all of the jargon that i have written, can we conclude that stress is actually something that is...unavoidable? How about stress being labelled as 'good' or 'bad'? I know, I know, it is all such a controversial topic that even if i continue further i will never even be able to answer one of the question that i have posed.

Perhaps stress can be labelled as 'good' as found in certain scientific research jargon that i wouldn't want to mention here. It is said that stress can help improve the immune system and that increased stress raises productivity up to a certain point of time. Can we from here infer that we should actually be happy when we are struck with the stress syndrome likely a day before the test? Because everybody knows that when you are stressed, you are most probable to be paranoid, hostile, quiet, introverted and lots of other really weird emotions.

Then again, stress can also be labelled as 'bad' as we all know that stress makes us act recklessly and make us decide impulsively on even the most important of things. So can we from here again infer that we should worry more when we are under stress?(Note that worrying more when under stress actually equals to more stress.)

With all that I have wrote, I would like to hopefully get your opinion on what you think is the definition of stress and whether it actually brings about positive or negative impacts on your life. Perhaps you could put in examples or even stories to tell to further prove your hypothesis! But till someone actually mentions their own opinion on stress that i find truly impressive, the mystery on whether stress is a positive or negative feeling will be remained unsolved.

Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

This isn't something that i came up with, but because of the recent hectic schedule, I'd rather share this with all of you what my physics teacher shared with me, that i found extremely meaningful.

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color.

You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's Inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name - Albert Einstein

Being ourselves.

In this day and age, would you ever dare to speak about one true quality of yourself to many other people? After all, doing this will make you seem like you are a boastful and arrogant boy/girl and people will start to hate you for this extremely ignorant behavior that you have demonstrated.

Yes. In my opinion, for one reason or another, people no longer seem to live life meeting unique personalities. However, they now live life to correct others based on their own perspective of what is good and what is bad. Sometimes I tend to ponder about whether it is wrong to lead a life being what we are and never having to change based on other people's comment about your character. After all, there are millions of problem one can pin-point about you and almost less than ten that they can proudly declare that is positive or amazing about you.

Is life really worth living if it is dominated by comments on other people and based on what other people expect of you? Sometimes I just get all these weird questions that seems very complicated, but sometimes the complication is really due to self-denial and that the answer is always right in your eyes. With this complication, I never really know how to answer the different questions that I have always asked myself. I never ever had the chance to complete the puzzle about life's mysteries. Is this way of life truly correct? By changing because others tell us to? If this is truly the case, then I think with my honest opinion that life is not worth the shot to live.

I'd like to explain my conclusion in my previous statement. It is because in all humans there is bound to be a flaw or two. Once you change that flaw, another problem will sooner or later surface and this will create a 'chain of changes' or rather what i would like to say 'evolution'. This is why you wouldn't see a friend that behaves the same way after 2 years of never seeing them, right? Don't anyone think it is selfish or unfair to talk about other people's flaw without any consideration of their feelings? Oh I forgot, life isn't very fair in the first place is it?

I never understood why people chose not to live a peaceful but monotonous life but instead choose to live a life led by much jealousy, envy and hatred. Perhaps it is just what makes life so much more interesting and makes the world a better place. I'd really love to know people's opinion about this topic and hopefully i will finally come to an answer about a question that i myself have created.

Apology.

As time passes, yet another saga is unfolded in my life. Through this saga, i have learnt that humans are all a flaw in each other's unique way. I have also come to realise that mistakes are unlimited and it is only through these mistakes shall we learn the true meaning of life - something so significant, yet at other times so meaningless.

This time, my mistake of not acknowledging one's existence has destroyed a once in a lifetime opportunity to make a new friend. Also, I have made people disappointed and dishearted by my behavior on that particular day. I guess this little lesson has taught me that under any circumstances, we shouldn't ignore people to the point where they would feel neglected and unwanted. I was wrong in this sense because I didn't even attempt to strike a conversation with a newly met friend. Instead, all i did was to try to walk away from the situation as though i was giving up. I guess that scenario would make more people turn to have a bad impression of me now.

This lesson has made me aware that humans under desperate conditions will become selfish and only care about their own feelings and survival. Friends become just another commonly used term and you become oblivious of their feelings. It pains me to know that I might never get to see that friend again, but i am in no position to change the fact that I have displayed such an incorrigible behavior in my friends presence.

Should I ever let bygones be bygones? If i should ever do that, my friends will still not have a good impression of me. After all, people usually say that one will not remember the thousands of good deeds that you have done for them but instead will forever etch in their heart the one heinous crime or mistake that you have committed that have left them in shock or disappointment.

Only till now do i realize that my attitude is such a lackluster to my social life. Should i change based on feedback from this recent saga? Or should I not change and remain being myself? As i have once heard from a friend, there is no failure but only feedback. I need to capture this opportunity to make myself a better more likeable person. I guess life truly has it's up and downs regardless of who we are. I haven't disappointed or made a friend furious for a long time and I guess this is what I should have already foreseen.

Although it doesn't really seem sincere that I apologize in my blog, but I'd fear that I might not ever have the chance to meet this friend again. Thus, I conclude the end of this post by sincerely apologizing to this special friend of mine. I hope you readers will consider apologizing to whoever you may have offended in the past few days if you are in such a plight like that of mine.

It is hard for me to move on and not dwell about such a problem that i knew existed for so long but never bothered to change.

But I guess things still need to move on and I have to juggle this problem with other struggles in my own life.

Quality versus Quantity

Recently in a conversation with a very good friend of mine, he mentioned something about knowing your limits and that people should learn to do things in great quality and not in great quantity. Though I have heard of this sentence for many times, do we ever really bother to heed the lesson that the sentence is trying to tell us? I'd think that due to our very human nature, we are never satisfied with what we have learnt. Instead we continue learning the same thing not because we are really interested, but because we really want to score well for exams. Then i realised that this practice has only brought about negative consequences in my academic life and that it is something we should all learn to stop.

We all know that the key to strengthen our weakest subject lies in the art of long term practicing repeatedly over and over again so that we can familiarize with the theories behind the chapter and thus being able to excel in it. However, has anyone of us ever considered that the more we study in a day the more we begin to lose focus? After all, nobody ever told us that 'long-term' meant great amounts of time at one go. We should all begin to realise what we as students can absorb in a span of time, and understand our limits. I understand that limits are something that prevents you from soaring into greater heights, but you have to know that life is cruel; the more you struggle to get something you want, the harder you seem to get it.

Until now, even I myself do not really understand my limits. All I really ever do is to study last minute and end up getting mediocre results. Never let yourself go over your limit, because one must know how to control yourself to be studying efficiently and effectively rather than struggling to absorb everything from the textbook that eventually becomes an unconducive waste of time and effort. After that chat with my friend, I begin to realise the fact that practicing for three hours a day may be better than studying for ten ours a day. It all lies in one key factor - focus.

You can brag all you want that you can study and focus for two hundred and seventy seven hours a day, but i believe that one will sooner or later be distracted by other activities be it physically or mentally. I think that nobody can ever force themselves to focus, because focus comes naturally once you learn to prioritize, like what i have mentioned in my previous post. However, focus can never be forever. It only is effective for the first three or four hours of your revision/study. Once that runs out, your body will signal you to stop and take a rest. If you decide against it, what ever you study after that period of time will actually be futile. It is an often experience that i get when i go to my tuition and it feels like just giving up on studying for an hour or two to relax. Although during exam times this feeling may cause even greater frustration because you really need to study to get all the facts in your head, but get this right - Studying and revising should be done long ago at home.

I know i sound like i'm bragging but i'm not. I myself is a victim of the quality versus quantity syndrome and I still cannot find a way to balance all of this together. The reason I am writing here is to share my experience with you people, and hopefully get you to share your experience with me, be it whether you agree or not. I need to balance my work and leisure properly to get myself up and going, ready all the time.

I need to get started on my homework. It isn't much but i still have to do it, apologies if i haven't been writing very often lately. I just went back to school and things need to buffer.

Priorities.

It has come to my concern that i have not been treasuring my time like i treasure money. The famous yet nonsensical equation goes " Time = Money ". If this hypothesis was true, I would be spending money like a rich spendthrift. However, as time slowly seeps closer to one of the few most important events of the year, I am slowly losing the ability to be a spendthrift like i recently am in the June holidays. I may be very relaxed now but when i do not have time, I would become really stressed up, worried and definitely scared. All these little worries would result in a recipe for disaster, so it really isn't wise for me to be the aforementioned 'spendthrift' now.

Still, I am very lost of what i am to do to solve this problem. I have been trying to think of ways to balance my hobbies of running and playing the yo-yo with my studies but still, it never ends off very well. I can cook up a schedule to follow, but that only means that i will lead a life of discipline and restricted freedom. It will be very monotonous life and that is really something i want to avoid. So how should I actually tackle the long existed problem? I guess for now i will try this method of prioritizing what is more important at certain periods of the year. Perhaps focusing on yo-yo when there is a competition and study harder when it is during school time. Will it work? I don't know. But isn't it infinitely better to try than to wonder? The 'never try never know' philosophy has been my motivation for my academics for a very long time and it never fails to impress me with what this small little quote can do to change our lives.

It is only until now that i realised the enormity of my crime of procrastination, when I finally piled up the work i have neglected for so long. So in this final week, I have to put my brains to work by piling up foolscap pads and question papers and just keep doing and doing. After that I will still need to look for information so i can write out biographies. It is quite sad that I have to be doing this but I guess it is a consequence that I have to face for being so relaxed in the past three weeks. It almost seemed like the three weeks that have passed seemed more like five days.

My new aim for this new term would be to try juggling yo-yo playing and studies, at the same time excelling in both. This takes pretty strict and accurate judgement of what you should do and what you should not. In short, lets just call this practice prioritizing. It may seem like much an easy word to read and understand, but the whole process brings extreme challenges to your mind. I know, all these proclamation about what I am going to do and how I am going to do it may seem very effective and I might sound like the next scholar-to-be, However, whatever i write here are just words. As two phrases that have been in often times would go to say - Action speaks louder than words, and things are easier said than done. These two sentences, although used daily in life are sentences not to be underestimated. Often times, people just hear of it and neglect its true meaning behind the sentence. I for one has been like that in the past. Now i truly know how it is like to have action speak louder than my words.

I'm not sure how I will be going to initiate this little self project of mine when school officially starts again, and furthermore don't even know if it will be successful. However i'd rather try than not attempt right? I'm trying to finalize my plan before school starts and I'll have to put my faith into myself and start building a strong foundation, so at least when there's an earthquake(exam) i won't topple easily. I hear my friends always saying that exams are bad, exams make me so sad and everything but lets face it. Have we ever prioritized our time properly such that we will produce a result that we actually desire? I know I haven't because I had always overestimated my abilities and underestimated examination standards in a neighbourhood secondary school like mine. Mrs Ali once told me this when I had consulted her about how I can go about improving myself . She said : ''You're an underachiever, Yao Kun.'' On that very day, this sentence that only consisted of five words brightened up my day and gave my life a whole new meaning and purpose. Perhaps prioritizing needs a generous amount of external and self motivation so that we will be more willing to prioritize what we are supposed to do rather than what we are not supposed to do.

Sure, everyone has different things to do. But when we are supposed to do them is a crucial factor to success in what you want to excel in. Thus time management is a really important value that we have to practice for this to happen. If you are able to practice this correctly, you will get the benefit of excelling in many different hobbies at once as well as studies. This is the real reason why I hope to be able to prioritize. Thus, prioritizing determines pretty much how we become great successes in life and that is exactly what i wish for. I hope this plan will be a success and I will not write something like that again to contemplate about past issues of time managing and promise myself yet again that i will do this and that and end up only lying to myself. I'd like to end this post by wishing myself good luck to my plan and anyone else who is inspired to do the same after reading this post. I hope all of you all the best and I hope i will do my best in prioritizing and not disappoint myself again.

Aftermath/Reflection - Day 2

There is nothing really I can write about myself in day 2. Probably because my day ended pretty quickly. I was one of the first to go up the stage to do a freestyle and as expected, I did not do well because of the lack of preparedness. Before the competition, I thought that I had no chance of getting into the finals. Now, I had to panic to come up with a new three minute routine because I hadn't believed before that I might have stood a chance to be one of the finalists. I guess I need to believe in myself in future contests and prepare for both the preliminary and final freestyles.

I spent the rest of the day pretty much hanging around Cineleisure, looking at my friends perform and practice under the humid and dense atmosphere around the stage area.

For now, I can only provide mutual support to my friends, cheering them when they are on stage, or trying to lift their spirits when their practices turns into a disaster. I guess it helped a little bit, but not fully because they probably are too busy thinking about what will happen later. I hung out with those who did not have to perform that day as they were playing amongst themselves around the stage area. I didn't want to disturbed the people who were so focused and so determined to come up with a perfect freestyle on that day.

As the shadows covered more ground, the competition became more tense and fierce as all the main contenders that were expected to more or less place top five in the competition were performing at that time. There were a generous mix of both disappointing and amazing freestyles to the point that almost every performance you would hear screaming or cheering. I guess this is what they call 'support'. It isn't a very difficult word, but do you often see it in the eyes of common people around us? For me, to encounter such a person is a rare sight. But maybe it's just myself.

Anyway, after more and more people went down the stage with either unhappy faces or faces that depicted a sense of relief, It is almost the end of the freestyle segment. Although i do not know what it is like to come down a stage after a good performance to only see an even better performance on stage, I believe that it will be a devastating feeling to be in such a predicament. But well at the end of the day, whats done is done right?

More impromptu events, then finally the long awaited results! It's so delightful to see my good friends become top three in their what they major in. At the same time, It's kind of weird because in the past, they were just people who never could have won contests, perhaps mini eli-hop or suicide contests but not the national contest. Now, they have done what i never thought could happen so fast. Nevertheless, I feel happy for them.

I got ninth.

The event has opened my eyes to how dreams can become reality if you work hard for it. This goes to show that each and every thought and effort you put in for a certain sport or hobby will pay off. I may not have win now, but I am still a winner in my heart if i believe that I have achieved something, even if it were the littlest of things. Perhaps qualifying for this contest is a huge achievement already, because for the past three years of trying to, I have never succeeded. This goes to show that a positive thinking will definitely lift your spirits up when you are down, which is certainly useful in times when you are in distress or are depressed.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank some people who have really persuade me to practice so that I was able to qualify for this national event.

The people are :

Sean
Cheng
Iskandar
Darrell
Everyone else.

I'd like to thank all of you all for being such amazing participants by putting up a good show on stage, even if you have not performed well, take it as a stepping stone to success.

Aftermath/Reflection - Day 1

It had been a pretty fresh morning for me, probably because I hadn't over practiced and burnt the midnight oil. This year, my strategy was not to stress myself too much by practicing last minute, as it proved to be a failure in the past two year that I have competed.I didn't bother to practice more in the morning and true enough, It did help me in many ways. At the very least I wasn't as nervous as I should be in a competition day. Heck, It didn't even felt like I had an event on that day, except i knew i had one.

While waiting for a bus, I wondered what the day would be like. Good? Bad? Still, I didn't feel any pressure nor stress. As I took various means of transport to reach my destination, The Cineleisure, I thought many things unrelated to yo-yoing, perhaps to keep me less frightened or anxious for the day ahead. It worked well and i was quite happy.

I reached the venue quite early, however, there were more people that were earlier than me. I saw the mass exodus of people throwing round metallic objects vigorously trying to practice and get used to the stage because everyone knew it would be a whole different world when it is their turn to perform. With many pairs of eyes staring at you, with the music being played so loudly that the bass could scare you. The atmosphere was completely different.

I saw that. The people whose faces were filled with fear of screwing up completely. Probably because they have not been having a good day practicing on the stage. With accidents and incidents ruining everything altogether, I think that it is not surprising to witness this. I for once, have been trying my best not to practice at that day, knowing that practicing would make me end up becoming fearful of what was to come.

In the end, i succumbed to much temptation of wanting to practice, although I had practiced, It wasn't as nerve wrecking as the previous years because this time i was able to hit what i planned on stage. I did many unnecessary jargon like washing my face and hand, adjusting my string length to precision and of course trying to keep myself cool. It wasn't what I would usually do but i guess it is what almost all of us do when we are panicking. I went up on stage, and as the music started, I tried my best to execute what i have planned but to no avail. In an act of despair, I tried to think of impromptu tricks to do during the extra time i had left. It wasn't appeasing as I did tricks that did not appease the judges.

In the end, I finished my performance with a disappointing look on my face. I didn't perform well. Sadness filled my heart. My mood had suddenly swung into that of a depressed person. I lost hope. It seemed like all my effort is going down the drain. An impromptu event made many people go up the stage. It seemed like the best thing to do to cool down myself, after all that disappointment i got in myself. In the end, I felt happy all over again as i got myself up on the stage with many familiar and unfamiliar yo-yo players. Then, finally, the results are out. It wasn't what I was looking forward to. As Hans, the head judge of the contest announced the qualifiers, I cupped my face with my hands and almost cried. Then, at the announcement of the last qualifier, as though they purposely announced in on sequence, I was called.

I did it.

Aftermath/Reflection

It has been about one or two days since the Annual Singapore Yo-Yo Contest ended. Although i thought it ended in a blink of an eye, I enjoyed every moment I had spent with my friends, or even yo-yo players who frequent the forum more than the would ever come to the yo-yo meetings. I will try to write two entries about what I have done in the past two days that will etch in my heart forever. Although it hasn't been long, I can only vaguely remember what had happened. But still, I will try.

A letter to Ms Crowhurst.

Dear Ms Crowhurst,

It has been quite a terrible week for me. Everything seemed to go wrong. And to top it off, I had forgotten to do the work you had assigned to us a few days ago. I am writing this to perhaps try to apologize and hopefully convince you that I am sincere about my apology by stating reasons of failing to do my work as assigned by you.

Yes, It is extremely irresponsible of me to not do my homework and write a letter to your regarding my plight. Yet I can blame nobody except myself. First off, I had forgotten to compile a list of all my assignments during the holidays. It is a crucial mistake that i will never commit again. Because of the lack of a task list, I was not able to check what I have done and what I have not. This reason is entirely my own fault because i have failed as a student to properly assign myself to different homeworks to be done before the deadline.

Perhaps another reason I would like to highlight is that my family and I have recently been on a holiday excursion to Hokkaido, in the northern part of Japan. While you might say that this excuse is totally redundant, It isn't. My family had forbidden me to bring any books abroad as they thought it was completely nonsensical to be bringing books to study in a country that we would be enjoy, although I would argue that it is diligence in a pupil that matters. It isn't about where we are going and why. Still, they did not regard my reason as valid and thus I wasn't able to have enough time to complete my assignment.

Also, when I was back from my excursion, I was asked to participate in various Cross-Country events around. Although I did the school proud of winning two out of four of the races, It has severely drained me of my energy to move, yet alone walk or hold a pen to write. I needed time to recuperate, but it was something that I was already lacking at that time. I tried to complete certain parts of homework but to no avail. If only I had rejected the races, only then will I be able to be on task and on time. Now, I feel so remorseful for neglecting my homework for races.

I hope these reasons are valid in your perspective, Ms Crowhurst. It may be just a writing full of excuses, but I have no other forms to show my remorse about not being able to complete my homework. It isn't as if I do that all the time, so I wish that you would give me another chance. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,

-----------

Preparation.

Recently, I have painstakingly rejected any program/event/meeting that people had invited me into. It wasn't easy, but sometimes in life you have to relinquish one thing for another, right? In fact, this applies to almost everything that you do in life - sacrifice to gain. So why did i sacrifice time that was supposed to be spent with my schoolmates? Well, simple. I had more important things to do. Although Ms Lo, the HOD of the Humanities department in my school would counter argue that everything in life is important. I guess my reason to explain things is just all wrong because I have nothing in my arsenal to argue back at the fact that Ms Lo pointed out.

What's more important than friends you ask? Well, nothing. I had asked for only a temporary retreat out of my social life. So technically friends are still the most important things in life, because i believe no one can achieve or accomplish something without the help of others.

Lets get straight to the point - I'm participating in the Singapore Yo-Yo Contest. Well some of you, after seeing this might go " EEW, WHAT KIND OF A CONTEST IS A YO-YO CONTEST?'' in your mind, well I have nothing to say. It is quite common to hear such reactions from people saying things like '' oh, you play the yo-yo? the spool that is attached to the string that goes up and down?'' Well many people has never seen the likes of modern yo-yoing. It is much more complex and is something unique to do as a hobby. If your definition of a yo-yo is the aforementioned spool on a string, go check out some videos that are easily available on video streaming websites.

This year, 2010, is my third year in attempt to qualify at the national contest. The 2nd biggest yo-yo contest held by 'Spinworkx', the group that has helped us in any way possible to become what we are today. I just wish that everything will go smooth and I will not disappoint those that have given me their good lucks and best wishes. I will try my best.
Meanwhile, I need to get some rest. Sorry if my posts are boring or mundane recently. I will come up with better posts soon enough. Probably about the aftermath of the event :)

An interesting encounter.

Today, I stop and ponder about whether my perspective on all Singaporeans are actually correct. It isn't because I have a lot of time in my hand. In fact, time is slowly seeping away from my grasp. It was because of this incident that had happened when I had to get something that I had zero knowledge of.

Let me begin my story.

It wasn't a good day to begin with. I woke up to the cacophonic discordance of sound - from that of the construction that had been taking place around my neighbourhood. summoning all my energy I could to get up from my motionless self, I began to sub-consciously move around my room, I didn't know why; It has been a routinely habit that was in me for a long time. Aimlessly wandering outside my room, I searched for things to do. I was greeted by bright sunlight that shone in the morning skies. I then realised that it wasn't early anymore. Frantically within my thoughts, I tried to gather dates of different events to see if they matched today - 10 June 2010. Luckily, no dates matched, I heaved a sigh of relief and continued wandering around. I chanced upon a notice that probably no one in the family knew how to read and It wrote :

" I am happy to inform you that your precint has been selected for the Neighbourhood Renewal Programme(NRP)"

I made a mental note - It was probably the cause of all the noise within the neighbourhood. I didn't enjoy my day at all. To make it short, everything went wrong. The environment wasn't friendly and all the drilling made the block of houses tremor like a mini earthquake. It wasn't a conducive environment at all, I couldn't start studying, I couldn't start dreaming, I couldn't start sleeping. Everything couldn't be accomplished because of this tremor that in the end would only result in slight convenience to either lazy people who don't give a hoot about the environment or the less fortunate disabled people. Perhaps in the future, when people start to think why Gaia was ending they would think about all these minute temporary help that was, in end result, a recipe for disaster.

I needed a great escape. I then planned to go to school to pass up what I needed to that was due last week. I did just that, only to return home again disturbed of my peace by the drilling noise. Trying to win the noises by playing my music at max volume would be a really stupid and illogical thing to do at this time. Suddenly, my speakers stopped playing my favourite music, at my favourite chorus. It was weird because they had been working fine for the past 3 years, being a birthday gift from my mom 3 years ago, It had a lot of sentimental value to me. Although it has stopped working countless of times, I tried various ideas, regardless whether it was from a ridiculous hypothesis or not. It always seemed to work in the end.

I was especially intolerant of anything today, and because I think I gave it a try, although not as desperate as in the past, I decided inform my parents to hopefully get me a new sound system and of course, being mollycoddled all my life, they both agreed. I didn't really care about whether they reluctantly agreed or not. Yes is yes. I didn't have any sense of sympathy for spending my parent's money.

Never did I know that I would meet up with someone that would change my perspective of a typical Singaporean person.

I explored two shops without doing my homework - checking information about speakers. I hadn't any clue about which one to get. They all seem convincingly good. As I was no audiophile, I struggled in both stores to choose a speaker I like. Even the store helper didn't pose much of a help. He spoke inaudibly and I could hardly hear what he was trying to say. Just then, I saw a man. From the looks of it, he was quite old. He had uncombed hair and had many wrinkles. I figured since I couldn't get much information, let me try my luck by asking him. It turned out to be a right choice. He immediately filled me with details about his own perspective on the different speakers. He told me he was a gamer and from what I could hear from him, He was pretty much quite an audiophile.

I had always thought that Singaporean people like me were people who didn't give two cents about other people and always helped people only if they could gain the upper hand. Was I wrong? He had no gain in helping me at all. Perhaps my mind is ruined by prejudice. I was indeed VERY wrong. I guess I have never come to really see someone help a stranger to this extent. He thoroughly told me the pros and cons of each of the speakers. In the end, when I had chosen the speaker I wanted that was within my budget, I thanked him repetitively and he left.

I guess I still have much to know about the world and how it works. Especially my misconception that all people in a nation behave like what other people say. Each people has their own personality and it is shameful to admit that I have only realised it now...

Packed.

Recently, I have been very packed by many events coming up and also tasks that are due. Its sad to say that I have not been able to remember every single event all at once, at times forgetting crucial dates to be in school to either hand in assigned homeworks or to do other miscellaneous stuff.

For now, My main concern would be the Singapore Yo-Yo Contest 2010, which will be held later in the weekend. I have been playing the Yo-Yo for about 3 years already and I wish to be able to at least qualify. Though I believe that It wouldn't be worth it to be sad If I didn't qualify. Being sad to me usually meant that I would ponder a lot about why this and why that, and often times occupying a huge amount of space in my brain. That isn't exactly what I am hoping to feel again, because I have much more important things to do.

Procrastination has been eating up a lot of my time since the start of the year. I was lazy and unenthusiastic towards the ideas of schooling and forcing different concepts of different subjects into my brain. Now, I'd just wish I could study and study until I could one day solve mysteries of the universe that I never thought I could.
After checking updates of people's lives on Facebook, a social networking site, I see many people saying things like 'Trigonometry is so hard!' and/or 'I am going to finish my homework today.' It saddens me a lot, although I am skeptic of many who proclaim they are doing what they say. I guess I should really begin continuing my holiday assignments and start on revisions or studying new chapters. I'm really behind time but I am helpless in my predicament.

I guess I should still try to carry a smile on my face, because i think it is really pointless to spread a contagious frown, but really useful to spread a contagious smile that would brighten anybody's day.
Yes, I have realised must mistakes that i have done in the past semester, but I have truly learnt from all the experience. For the third time consecutively, let me add another quote from Albert Einstein, one of the most inspirational physicist the world has ever known.

" Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new " - Albert Einstein

Physics Enrichment Camp.

In the past 2 days, I have been attending this Physics Enrichment Camp held in the National University of Singapore (NUS).

It isn't exactly logical to be waking up at 5 in the morning, way before the sun even bothers to rise into the seemingly dark and gloomy skies. However, I felt that every ounce of effort I had put into waking myself up, be it half or fully conscious, has paid off very tremendously. Why? Because it has exposed me thoroughly to the possibilities of more complex physics and how the different branches of physics may become unique, cool yet interesting pieces of art through the different lab experiments that can be done when we get into tertiary institutions.

Perhaps many of you people may think that physics is boring, physics is not my interest, physics is my weakness. Yes, I can understand that. I was part of that bandwagon before I got into the camp. However, this camp got me interested in physics and I made me want to excel in physics. I think that telling yourself that you have a weak spot in physics is very wrong as it limits your capabilities and potential in excelling. This goes to all other subjects as well.

This camp is not exactly a camp, because we did not get the opportunity to stay in the school campus at all. Instead It is something like a remedial class where we report early in the morning and be dismissed when the sun is starting to set. In the camp, I had my first taste of lectures in a lecture theater. The atmosphere was rather different, and there you see, one person, having a microphone clutched in his hands or in other cases clipped by his collar, blabbering about concepts of physics that are too hard and too complex for us to accept. Such as Albert Einstein's theory of relativity and how to create very minute drawings by shifting atoms, one at a time.

Although we didn't have a clue about what the lecturer was writing, most of us had jotted notes down, which in later part proved to be much of a failure, because we couldn't understand what we ourselves have jotted down. It wasn't about illegibility, It was about complexity of the things we were trying to absorb. One of the lectures has gotten me thoroughly interested in nano-sciences. Because the way the lecturer presents and tries to explain and demonstrate to us is just too brilliant. I cannot think of another word to tell how successful his lecture was. He managed to capture everyones attention, he managed to get the crowd laughing at his witty jokes and manages to etch in my heart the wonderful memories I had spent in the hall.

Wait a minute. Did i put 'wonderful' and 'hall' together? YES!

That is how much I have enjoyed that particular lecture by associate professor Sow Chorng Haur.

This camp has pretty much harnessed enough interest for me to look more into physics, about the few founding fathers of modern physics such as Sir Isaac Newton and of course the ever famous Albert Einstein.

I believe words may be ineffective to persuade one's mind to entirely enjoy and like something. But this is based solely on my own perspective. You can choose to take this entire entry as my honest opinion, or you can just take it as a load of sarcastic jargon. Perhaps one day when you actually find the interesting part of physics, or you think that physics are one of which you score better in, then truly will you know whatever I have wrote in this entry.

Always remember :
"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." - Albert Einstein.

An inspiration to write about inspirations.

What an intriguing title huh?

Today, I had an Idea of writing about recent people that have inspired me to do better academically, as well as many other things I have to juggle in life. Perhaps many of you would question why I like to write so much jargon to thank people in my blog. I have reasons. For one, I think I am quite a keyboard warrior. I dare not speak up in reality and I can talk about lots of nonsense on the net. Secondly, I really appreciate the effort that these people have given to help me improve and upgrade myself towards a better future. Don't worry, If I didn't mention some names, just know that I'd like to thank you too :)

Let's start with the names I have been wanting to write about for the longest time.

Teachers.

Why teachers? Don't they always pester you to hand in homeworks? Don't they always assign so much homework that you feel like your head is going to explode? Furthermore , One of Albert Einstein's quotes even mentioned this :

"the worst thing seems to be for a school principally to work with methods of fear, force, and artificial authority."

So why would I even want to thank the teachers? Well, one of the answers would still be derived from another of how a Gymnasium made Einstein so successful - the Gymnasium had a positive affect on Einstein's life. It taught him to question and to doubt, valuable qualities of a scientist. His attitude of not caring about the accepted beliefs developed during his stay at the Gymnasium. Although he detested discipline, under his guard, he was taught self-discipline, single-minded determination, and dedication to an ideal.

Don't you agree with the above sentence? Although the teachers on certain days might singlehandedly spoil your mood, they have also helped us in various ways. Developing of our self confidence, lending us their helping hands when we are in doubt or trouble, consoling us during our worst times. I believe these are what make us what we are today, and perhaps the leaders of tomorrow. Teachers have helped me in thousands of different ways, and there are no sentences or words to ever describe how much I would like to thank them. Perhaps it is like owing my life tenfold to them. I am truly inspired and aspire to be such academical successes like them one day.

Here is a shout out to FRIENDS!

Of course, who would forget the many friends that have accompanied me through late nights, chatting in online messengers and talking to me out of the virtual world. I sincerely believe that life wouldn't be life without friends. Be it old or new, I think bonds are not strengthened with the passing of time. Instead, I think they are created through quality efforts by both parties to have a desire to learn more about each other. For example, like in the previous post, I mentioned having the best time of my life in the famine camp. How many days did i spend? Less than two days! Thus this proves my perspective of my own hypothesis about friends. These people give me a lot of inspiration to do well better, namely Jolene, Theodore and De Sheng who are all in Raffles Junior College whom I had all just met in the famine camp. They gave me the inspiration and encouraged me to study and succeed like them even when I had asked for zero tips or help at all. Of course, those are not all of the friends I am going to credit in this post. I just want to sway away from school friends because it may create a false impression on many people. Credits will be free for anyone to claim if you have survived up to this part of my writing.

Lastly, a shout out to Associate Professor Sow Chorng Haur!

Ever since I have attended the physics camp today, I have been becoming so much interested in getting myself a good education and do all sorts of weird yet cool stuff in labs. Just for the fun of it. Perhaps one day I'd like to say this to my students like what Associate Professor Sow Chorng Haur told us today during a physics lecture in the National University of Singapore(NUS) He said this : " Haha, I expected all of your reactions to be so shocked. Just throw in some scientific jargon and It all becomes so complicated." Maybe this was not what he said word to word, but It is probably somewhere along the lines. He has made me so much more interested in nano-science and it makes me want to explore the art of nano science further in the future. Perhaps when I have achieved what I need to get to become as much of a success as him. What a funny person and Inspirational nano-physicist(did i say that right?)

I guess Inspiration is a big part of how I am going to change my life by myself. Not with others trying to force me. Not with curfews and deadlines. Just free and easy and no worries. I'd need to learn how to apply this time around. Failing so many attempts makes attempting to apply riskier as time becomes shorter.

With that, I'd like to conclude my very long essay jargon on the title ' An inspiration to write about inspirations' Perhaps I may not have mentioned your name, but fret not. It is for you. :)

Famine Camp.

"I'm hungry!"
"But their starving!"
These were the sentences that many of us famine campers shouted and screamed with the bottom of our lungs at Orchard Road, one of the most famous shopping district in Singapore.

Yes. In this past two days, I have been spending my time at a rather unknown place, surrounded by about a thousand of unfamiliar faces. I have been through a very unique and interesting camp, which has a prime motive of spreading the word about poverty in poor and rather undeveloped rural countries, such as Bangladeshi and Vietnam. In this camp, I am grouped up with various people of various ages. Most of them being much more academically successful and stable than me. When we ask others of their school, frequently we get answers such as - RJC, HCJC, ACJC, ACS(I) , all of which are acronyms of famous schools with high academic standards.

Before the camp, my mindset was much different than that of now. I thought that since the holidays are going to be so boring, I might as well spend some time outside with my friends, let time pass and get my 30 CIP hours. Now, I think it is so much different. It is no longer about the "rewards" anymore. I sincerely think that having to socialize with such amazing people in just under 2 days is one of the best experiences I have ever had. Also, other than socializing with unfamiliar people, I think I have bonded pretty well with my schoolmates. This is tremendously heartwarming for me because not only do I get so many new friends, I also get benefits like the 30 CIP hours!

In this camp, about over a thousand people participated in various events, such as the flash mob at Orchard Road, the Concert at the new SCAPE building, having various activities, going through life as a person in poverty, and who would forget the main event of them all, starving for 30 hours straight. While in these activities, I managed to get along pretty well with my "family" in the event. We had random bursts of laughter and traded our arsenal of IQ questions. Of course once in a while I do get tired and doze off. Well I guess it happens sometimes right?

This camp has educated me much about how fortunate we are to be living in Singapore, under such advanced living conditions and having quick and effective education. This camp has also shown me how it is like to be a person living in poverty through the various activities. It has benefited me in many different ways.

Although our group members and I have parted, I believe that one day or another, we will be able to see each other again. Be it coincidentally or planned. I hope them their best for their future endeavors and good luck to those who are taking their major exams.

See you next time :)

Studies.

Pardon my lack of posts. Didn't have any inspiration running in my mind.

Lately, I have been thinking towards different ways of re-approaching my education and academics. I have been pretty much an average Joe in school since I have stepped into the school in Secondary 1. Recently I think it is becoming much of a lackluster in my life.

I need to become a better person in academical perspective.

I should stop now.

Recuperate for a fresh event tomorrow.

Contradiction.

It was just about less than four days ago when I mentioned I wasn't feeling remorseful at all.

Disappointed pt. 2

It hasn't been long since I wrote this word as my blog title. I guess it's quite hard to actually avoid having this as a title because in every day, every minute, there would definitely be at least an ounce of disappointment harnessed within yourself.

Today has been quite an eventful day. Not because it was supposed to be, but I guess many impromptu decisions were made for the fun of it and to kill time. However, although the day was eventful, everything that happened was quite a recipe for disaster and disappointment. Most of the happenings began after school. Before that, I got reprimanded by my English teacher for printing advanced secondary 4 notes which to her seemed much of an insult. I had to explain everything to her. However, I think there was nothing very wrong about printing pieces of paper.I got reprimanded for being too afraid to lose. But i guess everything has both sides to its story.

Then after school,I had to rush my E-Maths correction last minute. My friends had already left me to go to the venue of the 2.4km retest. Initially, I thought it would be another shot worth taking to get myself an 'A' grade in this retest. All odds were against me when i had reflected what had happened. I could have not gotten the first in the race. For I had already attained a timing many would yearn to have. Instead, I should have helped my friends in various ways - Pushing them, pulling them, carrying them or any other desperate measures to help them pass would be a good thing.

I am sure they would be very appreciative. But no, someone has to be too egoistic to not care and think about others. I was too full of myself for thinking that my default school shoes would be something that will not hinder my performance. However, I was wrong. Very wrong. Not only were my feet as burnt as that from an oven, I overshot my previous timing by 20 seconds, I didn't do much helping out to those other people that I should. I feel so stupid mentioning it now. But what can be done?

It sucks to reflect over past sins and wrong doings of ourselves after a long, tiring day. I think I should be more sensitive towards other peoples feelings. Sorry.

Remorse? None of that sort.

Today is a great day.

Blue skies that are of awe to our eyes, little birds soaring the great skies beyond what we can reach and perhaps seeing different faces that depicts people's feelings in their minds. However, how do you define great? Great can be used for an incredibly bad influence. For example, having a great impact in your life. Today, I would like to talk about this great impact.

Yes - If we could just have a little self-motivation everyday, every second of the day you spend can be meaningful. However, sometimes due to Murphy's Law, we get the exact opposite of that meaningful day.

Today is one such day. You can be happy if you just be happy with what you have. You can also be sad if you have set your targets too high or perhaps cannot forgive yourself for achieving low grades. Comparing with your classmates and maybe the entire cohord may be a bad idea because you will develop feelings worse than what you had.

Yup, if you guessed it, thats right. We had a chance to get a glimpse of our final score that will appear in our report book. I guess I didn't quite expect my results, but hey, what gives? Nothing we do will change our results, and nothing we do will turn us back in time to do anything supernatural. I have observed from a social networking site that many people are feeling really sad, really depressed, and really want to murder themselves because they felt that they have not worked their best. They feel that there is nobody to blame but themselves. I have had this feeling for ages. It is not that I don't feel such emotions because I am immune to it. I am trying to suppress this feeling so that I can lead a happier day, everyday, twenty four hours per day. I think it is quite useless to actually be remorseful. We have to continue running down the track even though we feel down or dejected. Mid Year exams are just a small little pebble towards our goal that may be two hundred and seventy five times bigger - maybe like the iceberg that sank the Titanic. Are all of you sad little souls trying to tell me this small pebble is going to sink you into eternity?

I think we shouldn't be remorseful in any way. We feel remorseful, we still have to get on with life. We don't feel remorseful, we still have to get on with life. So what better but to make things happier everyday but getting rid of that feeling? Besides, everyone knows both a frown and a smile are contagious. Would you like to share your joy to everyone? Or would you prefer to tell everyone that you did badly and make them reflect that they themselves did badly and in turn create TWO sad faces? I'd leave this question to be answered by YOU. Yes YOU.

I'd be turning in now. Good night and I wish that you would smile after reading this post.

Cheers.

empty

I admit. I have been pretty reluctant to update my blog recently. I think this interest is dying pretty soon and I need to find a way to ignite the almost dead flame. Inspiration, anyone?

Quite a day.

Sports day was quite an eye opener for me today.

Today, I have seen many people jumping for joy in their victorious feat.

Today, I have seen many people crumbling onto the ground of their unlucky accidents.

Luckily, Sports day has re-sparked my interest for running. This time, both short and long distances. I guess I really needed that, because if I continue this mundane and inactive lifestyle, I would transform overtime into that hideous monster I was in the past.

I guess the highlight of the day would be the cab hunting morning with Jermaine, Joey, Xavier and me. I hope these little bits of memory will not fade from inside of my heart. Thank you all for such a wonderful day. :)

Disappointed.

I am extremely appalled by the results that were announced today. I don't really know how to react, because I am stuck in this Catch-22 situation where i do not know which side of the story to support.

Should I be disappointed? Definitely. I didn't score very well for Chinese. I achieved a D7.For Physics, although results are not fully out yet, I foresee a very miserable score because I didn't recall any similar answers when the teacher discussed the open ended questions during lesson.

Should I celebrate or be happy about my score? Definitely. So far, I have not failed any subjects except for Chinese paper 2. My Chinese composition was quite well done in my own standards because i have broken my personal best of 40/70. I improved from a C6 to a B3 for Amaths. All these are highlights that I am quite happy and would keep me much more mentally stable.

Then again as students studying in the Singapore Education System, we should always yearn for more and not be satisfied with what we have. I think this factor certainly increases the number of people dissapointed with their results. I guess I am happy but not very satisfied.

I pity many students who unlike me, have to face their parents, their frowning faces and their blizzard of verbal arrows. Believe me, this is exactly what I call '' Adding insult to injury ''. Many people did badly. Many people did not score their favourable marks. Many people are dejected and feel like killing themselves over a piece of paper.

I think people have to reconsider whether they should be sad or just move on in life. What, students lives revolve around just exams? Certainly not. I sincerely believe that each and every student have tried their best and put in their finest effort to try to do their best. Be it last minute work or being consistent workers.

But why is it that people still do badly? In the past, I was often lost because of this question. But now, I think its just trial and error. If we do badly, It never is lack of effort. However, It is just utilizing wrong methods to study. Everyone has a different way of studying and everyone must spend their time trying and deciding which study style is the best for them.

Many people are blaming teachers. What for? Often times, I feel for them because they are trying to educate future leaders of Singapore. However as much as they try, their students would not produce result. Of course the teachers would feel a stab in their heart! Definitely will they be pissed and vent their anger through having to discipline the class a little. No wait, it isn't even discipline. Its just a fair bit of criticism. Some teachers are very straightforward. They just spoil your day by telling you your results the first thing on a beautiful Monday morning. However, being angry with the teacher does not pull your grades to a distinction! Does it? Well, I think that the teachers don't deserve such pent up hatred from the students. I think its just too mean.

I guess that concludes what I have to share for Mid-Year Exams. It was of course an experience never to forget. Being the first major exam in upper secondary levels, I guess people should just absorb the blow, however deep it is. Forgive, forget, and regain momentum. After all, whats most important isn't the Mid-Year exams. Heck, It isn't even the End-Of-Year Exams. It is for obvious reasons the 'O' Levels.

I wish all of you readers the best of luck. I would like to finish my blog entry with a famous quote many of you all would have come across.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Thomas A. Edison

Déjà vu

My entire day today consisted primarily on the revelation of a portion of a few subjects.

I am pretty elated that I have improved for most subjects, except my languages which scored pretty badly. I think I need to buck up on my Chinese and English because the L1R5 system for Junior Colleges has a prerequisite of a pass for Chinese. And in order to enter a good Junior College, I need to secure an A1 for English to attain a perfect score of 6 for my L1R5. So far, I have not had the ability to do so. Attaining an English grade ranging from B4-C6, While Chinese hangs down the drain at a constant F9.

For now, other than identifying language problems withnin myself, I guess I have gotten quite a commendable list of results. However I shouldn't let my guard down. The worst has yet to come.

I need to get prepared for tomorrow.

Calmer.

I have regained much of my sanity today.

Guess it was much to do with tiredness in my mental self.

Time to prepare for war tomorrow.

Not a written war,

not a physical war

but more of a mental war.

I feel very uncomfortable now because i know i am definitely not mentally prepared for things i am about to face tomorrow. I guess i will be shot by dissapointment like that of a bullet in a gun. I really wish it would be vice versa. But i am more positive than negative of my failure in many subjects. If only i really did take to mind the after effects of exams. I wouldn't have to find myself in this depressive feeling.

Godspeed to everyone who is receiving results tomorrow.